i'm a loser baby...

actually, i'm just kind of lazy.  or is it tired?  i have a brand-new sewing machine sitting in my basement that i haven't even opened yet to try out. a gift i pleaded and then threatened for.  i confess i'm kind of afraid of the whole bobbin thingy-every other time i've sewed, it was done for me because i was using someone else's machine.  i love sitting down and getting started - the preparation part, not so much. so the goal was to make some cute homemade gifts for a shower i attended last night.  i've had the fabric and ribbon for weeks, and the batting for a few days. good thing i had a back-up gift. i just need to get started and then it will be fun - i have some really gorgeous fabric for curtains, denim to be made into overalls for my boys, etc.  i feel a bit afraid of my own machine.  do i call someone and have them come over and guide me through the setting up process and risk feeling like a dork?

the real loser-like thing i've done? i watched a really awful movie...and no, i won't tell which one it was, i'm that ashamed.  the thought of my kids ever knowing i exposed my spirit to something so diabolical makes me shudder.  suffice to say it was so traumatizing i'm scarred by it every time some of the scenes replay in my mind.  what i am most mortified and disappointed about is that i didn't immediately switch it off - maybe an indication of the spiritual reaching i need to do.  see, i kind of knew before we started watching it how this would all play out.  i gave it a chance because i'd seen something the same actor had done before that was hilarious, if a little sketchy.  i wish my brain could vomit and be done with it.  alas, what we choose to take in stays with us - to teach us not to go there again. oh, i really thought i was past watching evil pretending to be hip. hooray for the sacrament on sunday.  i hope my children stay clean of trash passed of as cinema. 

 i'm listening to them play in the tub, pretending to be "mermans".  chuckles is the merman with orange hair, of course.  jacob's ocean locks are blue.  this morning, as char greeted henry (who was still sleeping) he called softly: "shhhh, taco-hanky". he loves to hear the story about how when he was a newborn and jacob couldn't pronounce chuckle - instead saying taco - every time he entered my bedroom and saw the bassinet he whispered "shhh, taco." it's one of the few memories i have of his early life, so i tell it often.  my heart hurt the other night for the memories i can't recall of his infanthood.  we were laying together on briar's bed, and i was recounting stories of briar as a baby.  charlie said "tell me story of when i was baby, mom." there was an awkward, lengthy pause as i racked my brain.  honestly, his first 9 months, dare i say year, are a blur.  i had to pull out a christmas memory of him almost getting whacked with a stick during the christmas eve pinata festivities - but he was 15 months old and not really a "baby".  i've never been much of a journal-keeper, but i've finally figured out that online babble-type is my niche for recording our family history.  would that i'd started 6 years ago.