grateful? check.

i was roaming around the blogosphere, and happened upon "a good grief". it was one of my phobias, nightmares, obsessions: a mother, molly, lost her two year old daughter after she choked on a miniscule piece of apple as they were pulling out of the church parking lot...after i cried my eyes out i thought of a few things... i am so LUCKILY BLESSED - angels have truly watched over my children.  when briar was just over three, i watched her nearly choke on a hard candy in our living room.  molly descibes how her daughter's eyes locked onto her's with a panic - i remember that look.  i remember performing the heimlich, after looking at my friend who was visiting, her words echoing in my head: i don't know...i don't know what to do! earlier, when she was just beginning to eat, i gave her the heimlich as an infant while she choked on wads of parsley.  i have given forceful back slaps to charles twice, and abdominal thrusts once...the most recent episode involved another one of those dreaded hard-candies  i had banned from our household.  he found a leftover from the candy parade i did not attend and was not aware of.  i was nursing henry in my bedroom and heard the tell-tale gagging and gasping, he was trying to make himself vomit. i leaped from the bed, leaving a startled henry squalling.  charlie was staggering around with tears streaming down his face. after one frozen moment that seemed like much longer, i pounded, thrusted, and it popped out like a rocket. 

now i'm remembering how robbed of my time i felt this evening when they refused to obediently shuffle off to bed.  i was resentful, crabby, and threatening when they asked for water (after being tucked in, of course).  don't get me wrong, they need to adhere to bedtime.  but i could have enforced it with more decorum and love.  for now, i have 4 beautiful, vibrant, demanding, often-precocious, imaginative, creative children that love me and depend on me.  i am their mother, their mother! i love the sound of calling myself that - linking us together eternally.  oh, it is good to be a mother.  it sweet to hold my babes close and smell their hair, cheek to cheek, and feel their weight on my lap and in my arms.  i have them here with me; my time is OUR time.  it is my season to give fully of myself.  i intend to be more grateful and less resentful in this coming year and all of those i have left with my children.  i intend to spend more time creating and sustaining "the peaceful, happy moments..." i want them to remember me for the "sunshine in my soul" instead of the crabbiness that has dwelt so often in my heart lately. they need more kind words and less sharp ones from these lips.  For truly, There is gladness in my soul today,
And hope and praise and love,
For blessings which he gives me now,
For joys “laid up” above.
that hymn sums up my dream for 2010.  who's with me? :)

it's beginning to smell a lot like christmas...

i thought i was set - i really did. all of the gifts i ordered from etsy showed up, minus one, and i think the seller is just kind of a butthead (just sayin'). wallyworld even had the walking/roaring dinos the boys asked for. the kids are packed for grandma's house. the spinach is defrosting for the dip i'll whip up soon. we watched the "mormon message" about the reason for christmas yet again. we baked up the batch of the nastiest looking, greasiest tasting sugar cookies i've ever sampled (don't use pillsbury to save time - it's not worth it!). i even plucked a few errant chin hairs. this morning i sent ryan to the store to get the chili powder i needed for the christmas eve chicken enchiladas. we didn't buy chicken last night at the cheaper chain grocery store while in the big city b/c i was ALL SET. i had 6+ chicken breasts waiting in my fridge. i plugged in the crockpot and grabbed the breasts: an a horrible odor wafted up to my nostrils when i pulled them out. i sniffed, i checked the "best by" date: dec. 18th. i sniffed again and almost ralphed into the crockpot. so i called ryan's mom and asked her advice on the chicken (i was obviously still in denial). so we're heading out, all 5 of us, to the grocery store to buy more, and ridiculously expensive - chicken breasts from the local market. i was so pleased the "mega pack" only set me back $14...and now it's in the trash. at least we get to perform the nativity this year with a real live baby. feliz navidad, amiguitos!

Baby Love

my baby love...yes, i'm singing the supremes' song in my head while i type this. i also sing it to baby h nearly day. his newest endearing quality: how completely attached he is to me. his world revolves around me and i am in love...his older siblings don't need me so completely. when he wakes up, all i have to do is call to him and i watch a huge, toothless grin spread across his face - i feel like my heart is melting. just tonight he started waking up and grumbling, sticking out his "bucket lip"...i just said his name and he was smiling radiantly. no one else gets this excited to see me. apparently i need the ego boost. my newborn has done wonders for my self-esteem. nevermind that anyone who took care of him would be so revered. he's been doing this for a couple of months now, but it never fails to make me happy: when he knows it's time to nurse, he giggles and whoops (in a very small baby way) and kicks his pudgy legs. he also nurses me with his hands - get the picture? i'll stop now before i get too graphic. ahhhhhh, he's so cute.

lips

someone is smacking their lips and making farting sounds (with their lips) in their sleep. it is really quite hilarious. i should go and see who it is, but i'm enjoying listening here in silence too much. what does it all mean?

it was charles, of course. his lips were dry. he said: "mom, mine lips are like, are like, bonking." now he is crying over "snakey". my children are overly-creative when it comes to naming their stuffed animals/toys. snakey is a sparkly two-toned orange beanie baby snake from pike street market. i feel for the child, but i'm not about to search the house at this hour when the only reason i am awake is b/c i ate something disagreeable and i think i have mastitis (the one and only time i probably won't care if i made a spelling error). sorry, chuckle cat.

ughhh...

we're having pizza for supper again tonight-at least ryan agreed to it this time instead of suggesting i whip up a something from the nothing in my cupboards. seriously, i don't know how to get grocery shopping done with four kids. and henry has decided he's off naps - at four months olds. which makes for a very cranky baby and a very cranky mom. good thing we have a nurse visiting right after ryan gets home tonight to draw our blood for the life insurance we just upped. i love it when strangers come to my messy house after days like today right in the middle of dinner time. it rocks.

thanksgiving in pictures

Hmmm...these did not post in the order i imagined them. Just look at the first 5 from the bottom up. s Briar has always been my child most likely to appear in Madonna's "Vogue" video. Then Boo the Dog interfered with her nonchalant grace and elegance. Yuck...

Charlie was stuck in the first few shots; Grandpa had to rescue him.

Here is Henry on the rag quilt Aunt Maire made for him.

I love the expression on Hen's face - like he has a bad taste in his mouth. A ba d aftertaste of milk , I suppose. Briar is coughing up a lung, not spitting out my cuisine.

Henry, practically naked and looking pleasant and thoughtful.

Why is it that my children will never smile directly into the camera? Except for Miss B; at 5 months she knew how to strike a pose and be a total ham. Proof in pictures of her model-like tendencies is shown in the first pics of the entry.
No words do this one justice...

thanksgiving and the christmas parade

i ate so much my stomach is in turmoil - as is my newborn's. my poor, sweet henni. ryan carted him into the kitchen this morning saying: "i have a new toy - and he farts every time you touch him." sorry, little buddy. wouldn't you know he is still smiling. what a sweet boy. was it the sausage in the dressing? the pumpkin cheesecake?

i spent the day cooking while my parents entertained the kidlets. i was so happy to have a family-filled thanksgiving on the day i grew up celebrating it (minus ryan - the last thursday of the month is "customer appreciation day" at our store, and since we live in canada and had "thanksgiving" (whatever!) last month, his attendance is mandatory on the busiest day of the month.

since my parents went home a day earlier than expected, i was stuck at home friday night thinking there would be no "Christmas Night of Lights Parade." i certainly wasn't attempting it alone. but it is a rooted oliver family tradition. we go every year and freeze our hineys off. this year was no exception to the sudden drop in temperature that ALWAYS accompanies the parade. The weather was pleasant and almost windless the day before - even sunny for this part of the world. The kids frolicked outside without hats or mitts. Then Friday morning things began to cool off considerably. By the time twilight set in (funny how i can't even use that word anymore without thinking of a certain series of books i've never bothered to read - should i? is it a bandwagon worth jumping onto?) the snow was falling, heavy and wet. don & dana (ry's parents) swooped in and took us to the parade, much to the relief of my cried-out children. we drove 1 block, parked illegally in the senior center's lot, and walked to the end of the block. henry was securely snug in the baby wrap, but i still worried about frostbite, though it wasn't nearly as cold as 2 years ago. we watched the parade and promptly marched back to the car. grandma and grandpa had been generous enough to spend their evening unsheltered in the snow watching a parade they cared nothing about for us - i wasn't about to suggest we brave the crowds for a cup of crappy hot chocolate (i make my own instant version: 3 parts powdered milk to 1 part cocoa - add a tsp. of sweentener to the mug with the hot water) from a can in a styrofoam cup and a bag of candy i toss as soon as we get home. we've never enjoyed the hay ride. we went home and i made them hot chocolate and toast. it was a full night.